Secrets & Love
by Brown Eyed Girl 06
Summary: They say the truth will set you free, but in our case the truth can only bring more pain. We both had dark secrets that we had kept buried for so long. LoVe. Season 1 AU.
1. The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret

It hurt more than she would ever admit. The world had dealt her a crappy hand, there was no way to sugar coat it; best friend murdered, dumped by boyfriend, cruelly mocked and ridiculed by those that she use to call friends, abandoned by her mother, and to put a cherry on top of it all raped at a party with no recollection. Yes, the last six months had not been kind to her. The world had been cruel to her so she did the only thing she could do…she got tough. And it helped. Cutting her hair, changing her clothes, and adopting a take no shit from anyone policy, made it all bearable. She closed herself off to the world because she couldn't take anymore. She built a wall around herself so high that no one could possible truly hurt her, or a least she thought.

Somehow that smug-all-knowing ass had managed to slowly break down her defenses. Why did he have to start caring again? It was so much easier when he was calling her names and vandalizing her car. Psychotic-jackass Logan Echolls she could deal with, knight in shinning armor Logan Echolls was uncharted territory. He was making her care and if she had learned anything in her short 16 years of life, she knew that caring for someone only allowed them the opportunity to hurt her in the future.

What most people at school didn't know was that she was friends with Logan long before he was friends with either of the Kane kids. She was the person that had introduced Logan to her best friend Lily Kane and Lily's brother Duncan. She had met Logan for the first time in the hospital, shortly after her eighth birthday. His family had just moved into town and somehow in the process of moving the stuff into the new house Logan had taken a fall down the stairs and managed to break his arm and bruise himself up pretty badly. She summarily had taken a fall, off her new pink bike that she had gotten for her birthday a few weeks earlier, and managed to have broken her arm also. They had shared the beds next to each other in the emergency room. Logan was the first person to sign her bright pink cast and she was the first to sign his blue one. Shortly after leaving the hospital her mom had arranged a play date for the two of them. One play date quickly turned into two then three and the rest was history. She introduced him to Lily and Duncan and the four of them quickly became friends. There friendship grew as the four of them got older and when they hit their teen years Logan started dating Lilly while Duncan and her created a relationship. Together the four of them became the popular kids in high school surrounded by other friends, but at the core it was the four of them. The four of them had been friends for so long that to this day it was a pretty unknown fact that she, Veronica Mars, was Logan Echolls first friend in Neptune.

She stared across the school courtyard to at him, sitting at his table surrounded by the people that he called his friends, Dick, Luke, Cassidy, Madison, Shelley, and a slew of other popular kids that she had also once called her friends. He laughed and joked around, seemingly without a care in the world, but she knew him better than that, she knew he was hurting just as much as she was. With Lily murdered and Duncan having fled the country, she was the only one left that could understand the hurt that he was feeling, maybe that is how it all started, maybe hiding their pain through throwing insults at one another just wasn't working any more, truthfully she didn't know. All she knew was that ever since he showed up a month ago at the Camelot hotel and punched the undercover FBI agent in the face neither of them has been able to stay away from one another. Of course at school they had kept up appearances, neither wanting to change the perceived status quo, but in dark corners and in the safety of his pool house or her apartment, they had been stealing kisses and becoming friends again. Sharing in the pain that only the other could understand.

They were different in so many ways, but what people didn't realize was that at each of their cores the two the core they were the same two people who were dealt a shitty hand in life. Who had lost those that they loved and been betrayed by those that should have loved them.


	2. Safe and Sound

Veronica woke up to the sun streaming in through the bedroom window of Logan's pool house. A slight breeze blowing the chiffon curtains back and forth, throwing shadows across the walls. She could hear the chirping of birds outside and the swish of palm leaves blowing in the wind. It was the perfect morning, beautiful, calm, and carefree.

Veronica rolled over in the bed to face her companion. Logan was still sleeping, fully clothed next to her. With her dad being out of town, chasing down a bail jumper, she had asked Logan if she could spend the night. Logan had quickly agreed.

Veronica had to give Logan credit, even though they had spent most of the night heavily making out on the couch of the pool house, never once did he push for anything more. He had even offered to sleep on the couch while she took the bedroom. However, Veronica always felt better when Logan was next to her. So she had asked him to sleep in the bedroom with her.

Veronica studied his face as he slept. He was always handsome, but he looked so peaceful in sleep. He looked so young, it reminded her of the boy she met all those years ago. In sleep he didn't have that cocky smirk of his on his face or his give no shit attitude. In sleep, he was just Logan, the Logan that she had once called her best friend. The fun loving, carefree boy that loved the world and his friends with an undying passion; or maybe she was just seeing what she wanted to see, hoping that somewhere under his fake façade that he showed to the world was that boy.

"I think I am falling for you" Veronica whispered out loud to a sleeping Logan. "This wasn't supposed to happen, I wasn't suppose to let anyone in. How do you always manage to do the impossible?" she questioned.

Veronica reached out to trace her fingers across his lip. God she loved those lips and the things that they could do. She never thought that she would be able to let anyone near her again, after what happened at Shelly's party, but somehow Logan had managed to break down her walls and make feel something other than revenge. She just hoped that he didn't make her regret her decision to let him in.

Without opening his eyes, Logan reached out and pulled Veronica onto his chest and wrapped his arms around her.

"This is how I like to wake up" Logan sighed as he kissed the top of Veronica's head.

"You don't see me complaining" she responded as she listened to his heartbeat through his chest.

"Are you hungry? We probably have something to eat in the fridge in the main house," Logan asked.

"Not really, plus I have to get going in a minute. I am not 100% sure what time my dad is getting home this morning and it would not be good for me not to be there when he gets home. " Veronica stated.

"Veronica…" he started

"Shhh" she said as she pushed her finger to his lips. "Let me just enjoy being in your arms for a moment longer, before we have to go back to the real world and school."

Logan gave into her request and just held her quietly for the next 10 minutes. He had been so happy when she asked to spend the night. It was one of those rare occasions where both his parents and her dad were out of town, allowing for no one to break them apart. Of course he had hoped that they would have taken the next step last night, they had secretly been seeing each other for almost three months and although he was loving their intense make-out sessions, this was the longest he had ever gone without sex. However, he quickly realized that Veronica was not there yet, so, for now he was just happy to have her in his arms where she was safe and sound.

"Alright, I have to get going" she stated more to herself than to Logan as she pushed herself off of him.

She rolled out of the bed and started looking around for her shoes. Logan sat up in bed, leaning against the headboard. He loved watching her; everything she did was so entertaining. She was quickly becoming frustrated with not being able to find her second shoe.

"Veronica" Logan called out trying to get her attention.

"Yeah" she answered without looking up at him while continuing her search.

"Veronica, I want to go public tomorrow at school" he stated hoping that that would get her attention.

"What?" she asked not having really heard him, as she stood up from reaching under the bed where she had located her second shoe.

"I want to tell everyone at school tomorrow that you are my girlfriend" he stated again for her.

"So I am your girlfriend?" she asked with a playful look on her face.

"Veronica, I am being serious. I want everyone at school to know. I want to be able to hold you in my arms in public, I want to be able to kiss you in public, I want people to know that if they don't stop being horrible to you that they will have to answer to me" he stated.

"Logan, I don't need you to protect me, I am use to everyone at school and the shit that they say about me. I am not some damsel in distress that needs you to come in and save her. Not to mention that lets not forget the fact that you were the one that lead the verbal assault mob on little helpless Veronica Mars" she said playfully.

"Veronica…I am so sorry, I don't know how I will ever make that up to you. I was such an ass." Logan begged for forgiveness.

"Logan, I have forgiven you. I know you were hurting" Veronica stated as she ran her hands through Logan's hair. "Plus I did some mean shit to you also. If I remember correctly I believe I got you arrest on a drug paraphernalia charge."

Veronica looked down into Logan's eyes but he was somewhere else clearly lost in a memory and she could have been wrong but she would have sworn that she saw a flicker of fear in his eyes, just a moment and then it was gone. Before she could think more about it Logan snapped out of it and looked her in the eye.

"Why are you even wasting your time with some like me Veronica? You could do so much better. I am nothing more than a useless, spoiled rich kid, that hasn't worked for anything a day of my life. I can understand why you wouldn't want anyone to know that you are my girlfriend" Logan asked defeated.

"Don't say that Logan. You are the best thing that has happened to me in a really long time. You are smart and kind and loyal and most of all I feel safe with you and cared about" she tried to convince Logan of his worth.

Veronica didn't know why Logan was acting like this; she didn't like seeing him pitying himself.

"I got to go" Veronica told Logan as she leaned down and planted a good-bye kiss on his lips and then moved towards the door.

"Veronica" Logan called out.

"Yeah" she stopped and turned back towards him.

"I want to go public tomorrow. I want people to know that if they mess with you they mess with me. I want to put a stop to what I started," he strongly stated.

Veronica wanted so badly to just tell him yes. That he should yell to the world that she was his. She wanted to be under the protection that came with dating the king of the popular 09er kids, she wanted to hold his hand and share kisses with him in the school courtyard. She wanted to be able to be in his arm all day every day. But she couldn't, that was the old Veronica Mars. That was the naive and innocent Veronica Mars that loved being a guy's girlfriend and participating in the cliché high school romance. She stopped being that girl the night she was raped at Shelly's party.

"I can take care of myself Logan. I don't need you to save me," she told him. "At least not anymore. There was I time that I need you to save me…but that time has passed". With that she walked out the door.

Logan stared at her retreating back feeling like shit. He didn't understand what she was talking about. He knew that she wasn't the same person as before Lilly's death, but he wasn't the same guy either. He just wanted to put a stop to her pain and ridicule at school. He wanted the whole school to know that she was with him. He just wanted to keep her safe and sound.


End file.
